M is better. I am better. Only two days left.
I got my holiday present this year when I was bit by a tick. After a doctor visit, a bottle of antibiotics and a moderate amount of crying, I took the tick to Staples to Fedex it to San Jose to be tested for lymes. I put the test tube with the tick into an envelope. I had my sunglasses on to conceal my red eyes from the staples lady because I was embarassed I had been crying. I took a last look at the tick and silently said goodbye to it. "We have a lot of karma you and I" I said to myself. Everyone around me in the store was not paralyzed with the fear I felt that this tick could have lymes, they were just shopping. I want to be just shopping too. But, shopping won't get me anywhere, so I will go on a journey with the tick. I will be the main character on a journey and the rest of the world will be the actors helping me along. And, in many of the moments I was caught in fear about my situation, I reminded myself this is just play with actors and myself. I was able to let go of outcomes, judgements and pretty much everything else that was not useful in those moments. I was able to unparalyze myself from anxiety and its grip on me when I remembered all of this. This was a totally new experience for me. So, in celebration of the tick, I am going to try to dig really, really deep into all my stuff this year and find the gifts.