Monday, December 22, 2008

A gift for me

M is better. I am better. Only two days left.
I got my holiday present this year when I was bit by a tick. After a doctor visit, a bottle of antibiotics and a moderate amount of crying, I took the tick to Staples to Fedex it to San Jose to be tested for lymes. I put the test tube with the tick into an envelope. I had my sunglasses on to conceal my red eyes from the staples lady because I was embarassed I had been crying. I took a last look at the tick and silently said goodbye to it. "We have a lot of karma you and I" I said to myself. Everyone around me in the store was not paralyzed with the fear I felt that this tick could have lymes, they were just shopping. I want to be just shopping too. But, shopping won't get me anywhere, so I will go on a journey with the tick. I will be the main character on a journey and the rest of the world will be the actors helping me along. And, in many of the moments I was caught in fear about my situation, I reminded myself this is just play with actors and myself. I was able to let go of outcomes, judgements and pretty much everything else that was not useful in those moments. I was able to unparalyze myself from anxiety and its grip on me when I remembered all of this. This was a totally new experience for me. So, in celebration of the tick, I am going to try to dig really, really deep into all my stuff this year and find the gifts.
Merry Christmas!


Sarah said...

love the photo in the header. that damn tick. who knew that such a small thing could have such an impact. that's a mind bender for sure. Merry christmas!!

claire said...

Your daughter is beautiful!!!!!!


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